“Gender is in everything; everything has its Masculine and Feminine Principles Gender; manifests on all planes.” — The Kybalion

This Principle embodies the truth that there is GENDER manifested in everything — the Masculine and Feminine Principles ever at work. This is true not only of the Physical Plane, but of the Mental and even the Spiritual Planes. On the Physical Plane, the Principle manifests as SEX, on the higher planes it takes higher forms, but the Principle is ever the same. No creation, physical, mental or spiritual, is possible without this Principle. An understanding of its laws will throw light on many a subject that has perplexed the minds of men. The Principle of Gender works ever in the direction of generation, regeneration, and creation. Everything, and every person, contains the two Elements or Principles, or this great Principle, within it, him or her. Every Male thing has the Female Element also; every Female contains also the Male Principle. If you would understand the philosophy of Mental and Spiritual Creation, Generation, and Re-generation, you must understand and study this Hermetic Principle. It contains the solution of many mysteries of Life. We caution you that this Principle has no reference to the many base, pernicious and degrading lustful theories, teachings and practices, which are taught under fanciful titles, and which are a prostitution of the great natural principle of Gender. Such base revivals of the ancient infamous forms of Phallicism tend to ruin mind, body and soul, and the Hermetic Philosophy has ever sounded the warning note against these degraded teachings which tend toward lust, licentiousness, and perversion of Nature’s principles. If you seek such teachings, you must go elsewhere for them — Hermeticism contains nothing for you along these lines. To the pure, all things are pure; to the base, all things are base.

corporeal femme

30da7590495f70b844ba209f8250bf3aI’m a complete “airy fairy” these days.  I was diagnosed with ADHD this year, although I always knew I had it, so actually, I can say I started medication this year.  Starting meds after decades of refusing it, or rebelling against it, or being skeptical about it…it’s a BIG switch.

So the light did go on and many parts of my brain are appreciative and eager receptors of new information now. And of course the elevated dopamine levels in my body changes me and the world outside of myself drastically. A grand shift, I believe, to new understanding. I’ve never been so in tune and open to nature.

So now my tendencies to lean towards ‘new age’ ideas and practices, are also elevated.  That is also perhaps why my blogs have been quiet…I produce very little art when I am not tormented. Lately I’ve been busy teaching and studying and finding ways to incorporate certain metaphysical aspects in my art lessons.

I’ve been a practicing fine artist for almost twenty years now and I’m wondering if this hasn’t really been twenty years of non-chemical therapy; twenty years of low dopamine levels and blocked up chakras.


Ritalin, hypnotherapy and magick have brought on a massive paradigm shift in my life. So bear with me if my posts are going towards a new wave, as I move away from the rawness into something slightly more ethereal and esoteric.

As a feminist, new age spirituality  has always been a direction I was hesitant to go towards. I don’t care for the cheesy, blingy spiritual wall art and fantastical imagery of goddesses and angels. This blog will surely still touch on the real, the corporeal…but Corporeal Femme is opening her third eye nice and wide.




I am the medium.

Complete surrender to experience has to take place to be transported to the place where there’s no time. Power is gained through having none; strength is built by letting go of the self.

I am a medium for learning when I teach. I am a medium for art; a representative; a missionary  throwing seeds of creation in the wind.

I medium for experiences about to happen, that is happening or happened.

It’s pretty cool.


The first time I knew I could channel, I was eighteen, busy painting a self -portrait. That was the first time I felt it: I am the medium.

To arrive at this consciousness now, years after, it is all explained. Now it all has a name, some kind of meaning and explanation.

I’ve thought channeling to be many things: The moon, the stars, the blood in my veins, the rhythm of sunset and sunrise, keeping pace.

It could be letting go, you know. Of it all, of reason, of logic, of language.

It’s a beautiful beautiful thing.

my new work ‘elixir’


This work explores Feminine Power.

A sigil was created by the artist and then copied onto a ghost image note.

The sigil was placed under a glass jar, where a tiger eye gemstone was charged with feminine power of the artist. A video was made, but at the point of charging the stone, a glitch froze the video, so none of the actual gnosis was captured on video.

The photos that were taken came out normally, although the video appeared altered.

No editing was done to the visual appearance of this video.

This was the process of the whole ritual:

A sigil was created symbolizing female power.

Tiger eye gemstone was charged (but not successfully documented) by the artist and then used to make an elixir.

After consuming drops from the elixir, the artist will meditate until a gnostic state lying down with four tiger eye stones. One under each palm, one on the third eye and the last one in the sacred hollow between her legs.

The sigil will also be charged during this time, by rubbing body fluids on the sigil and activating it by orgasm.

The gemstone and the sigil will be the artifacts for sale.

Below is the first part of the video performance and some photos taken during the process.

Below the initial video file. The whole performance was 4:21 min and only 1:03 min could be captured.


Some shots taken with my ancient blackberry out under the pine trees by theescombe.

We took our daughters to a birthday party there and I chose to speak to pine trees for two hours instead of the other moms.

My senses are so heightened right now, especially my hearing and smell…and Red Jaspers in my pocket pulls me nice and tight towards earth’s belly.

introduction to colin wilson’s ‘the occult’

header_colin-wilsonPrimitive man believed the world was full of unseen forces: the orenda (spirit force) of the American Indians, the huaca of the ancient Peruvians. The Age of Reason said that these forces had only ever existed in man’s imagination; only reason could show man the truth about the universe. The trouble was that man became a thinking pygmy, and the world of the rationalists was a daylight place in which boredom, triviality and ‘ordinariness’ were ultimate truths. But the main trouble with human beings is their tendency to become trapped in the ‘triviality of everydayness’ (to borrow Heidegger’s phrase), in the suffocating world of their personal preoccupations. And every time they do this, they forget the immense world of broader significance that stretches around them. And since man needs a sense of meaning to release his hidden energies, this forgetfulness pushes him deeper into depression and boredom, the sense that nothing is worth the effort.



The occult is not what people think it is.

As wikipedia puts it:   “The term is sometimes taken to mean knowledge that “is meant only for certain people” or that “must be kept hidden”, but for most practicing occultists it is simply the study of a deeper spiritual reality that extends beyond pure reason and the physical sciences.”

It takes courage to let go of what society, parents, religion and other systems teach you for years and years, to finally form your own ideas free from dogma.

When a system tells you it is Evil to free your mind that very system could be evil.

So far, for me, magick is connecting. No one should live disconnected and sleeping. elemental-queenelectricenergyoccultphotographysepiavintagephoto-c45dd1993c0595190dea0327dc79ea2a_h




As my spiritual experiences take me to deeper and deeper levels I am certain that we are all meant to be completely free. This is perhaps where all my anger comes from: we are just not free.tumblr_nvg8jxzfwh1upshdfo1_500

yoni eggs

0c2070fc-a03b-48a5-96dc-e6b0dcd8e945-e1455856460860        Yoni Egg: Feminine Weapon The Secret

Our womb and yoni is our inner sanctum, a place to access our wisdom, our power. We all come from this magical, profound place.

And yet, generally we don’t honour this sacred place, most of us use our wombs as psychic garbage bins,  throwing there the emotions that we’re unwilling to feel or face.

It takes courage to make the choice to reconnect with ourselves, to honour ourselves, and to celebrate ourselves as a sexual being. I admire you if you are reading this, to me it means that you have already started taking steps towards embodying the depth of  your deep feminine essence.

I want to tell you about one of my beloved feminine practices – the Yoni Egg.

The stone egg practice to strengthen the vagina emerged in ancient China. For a long time it was a secret practice, only available for the members of the royal family. Since ancient times these practices were used for improving physical and spiritual health of a woman.

These eggs are often called Yoni eggs.

Yoni in sanskrit literally means sacred temple, and is used to refer to a woman’s vagina. How does it feel to refer to your vagina as a sacred temple? I bet you’d like that 🙂

The egg is an amazing tool that helps tone the lower abdomen and strengthen the muscles of the pelvic and urogenital diaphragms, which serve as a floor for all our vital organs. When these muscles are strong they prevent leakage of our vital force and sexual energy and help us to keep it under control.

I can’t promise that you will be able to shoot ping pong balls with your vagina, but the results may be pretty amazing.



They say schizophrenic people hear voices.

Peter Carroll writes:

An old joke puts its thus, “when a man speaks to a god its prayer , when a god speaks to a man its schizophrenia”… Many people hear voices without suffering any of the debilitating and dysfunctional effects associated with schizophrenia, some treat these as sources of inspiration of develop religious ideas around them, others become mediums or occultists.”

A few days ago, whilst meditating, a crisp, beautiful female voice said, loudly, inside my mind:

“Step into the moonlight.”julesvernesnovelaroundthemoonbyc3a9mileantoinebayardalphonsedeneuville

on hope

Due to circumstance, I am now officially stripped down.

Personal life issues have led me to a place where I now stand without dignity, without money (most days I don’t know where food will come from for the day and although it’s good for the figure it’s not so much for the mind), without pride, without infatuations, without alcohol or weed or other enjoyably harmful substances….it’s just me and the love I have for my loved ones.

This is the best time for magick.  When there is nothing. When you find yourself completely stripped of things you once considered ‘true’ things.  When ‘Nothing is true,everything is permitted’, and the possibilities become endless.

Someone remarked the other day: “I see hope in your eyes again, Cecilia.”

Amazing how she rises from the ashes, hope.



aphophenia and peridolia

Peter J Carroll writes about Apophenia and Pareidolia as goddesses, apophenia and pareidolia meaning psychological phenomena involving stimulus (image or sound) where the mind perceives a familiar pattern of something that doesn’t exist, or in other words, finding meaning in the meaningless.  These phenomena are, just like many great things in the world, associated with madness ( “madness”, which I seem to suffer from, as many other highly creative people also do) and I just love the way Carroll turned them into goddesses, completely accessible to the evoker at any time.





“The spider is a remarkable figure of feminine energy and creativity in the spirit animal kingdom. Spiders are characterized by the skilled weaving of intricate webs and patience in awaiting their prey. By affinity with the spider spirit animal, you may have qualities of high receptivity and creativity. Having the spider as a power animal or totem helps you tune into life’s ebbs and flows and ingeniously weave every step of your destiny.”

some recent thoughts on art works

All my art was on an external drive that finally packed out.

So, there you go.

As I experience this paradigm shift in my life, I am more certain than ever that my art is not art in the sense that today’s world perceives art.

I could never explain why I don’t want to be part of the ‘art world’;why I loathe exhibiting my work; why I could never fit into that space.

My art is ritual; it’s magick. If you want to see, I am more than eager to show you.

However, that is where it ends, with the revelation of the work. The explanations, the money-talk, the commercial, the ownership, the gallery spectacle…all the rest: I am simply not interested.

I don’t even consider myself an artist, though I have great drawing skill.

I am a practitioner who performs my own life story.

That’s all.


The magical and erotic phenomenology of ritual performance within the Babalon Current


Posted by amodali on Dec 30, 2014

As a precursor to the release of the forthcoming publication of ‘The Marks of Teth’, it seems timely to post a series of articles which give context and background to the material in the book from my earlier works. The posts will condense some of the material presented over the last couple of years in public lectures. In this piece, the focus is on ‘Mother Destruction’ (1990-2000). M.D. has been the longest standing public art project thus far in a series of works dedicated to the Babalon current. The project was a collaboration with Patrick Leagas of 6 Comm who contributed original compositions to the project, as well as working with me in creating musical structures which supported the magical practices within live performance and recordings. Although I won’t be featuring the project directly in the book, the ‘M.D.’ ritual performances were vital in consolidating some of the techniques that form the core of the practices in the M.O.T., the recordings may be of interest to those working or experimenting with performance/group ritual within the 156 current.

The Mother Destruction project was part of an ongoing corpus of magical work concerned with manifesting a personal definition of the ‘Body of Babalon’, the ‘body’ being a metaphor and a phenomenological map which delineates the occult anatomy and magic of the Babalon priestess. This is a form of magical cartography which is extended via an experimental, multidisciplinary process concerned with the development of the mysteries of the 156 current; and its ontological development as a vehicle for female, sexual gnosis. The praxis supports a proposition that Babalon’s magic is synonymous with a process of radical reform within current paradigms of magical sexuality. As ‘Woman girt with sword’ Babalon represents female magical intelligence and wisdom, a transgressive force that is driving the re-evaluation and deconstruction of the female position within existing occult systems.

Within the emergent Post-Crowleyan era, clarifying and developing understanding of the sacred occult anatomy of the Babalon priestess is an essential part of ‘new aeon’ sexuality. Within the contemporary Western Mystery Tradition, there has been much progress in terms of a greater female presence and powerful contributions to the Occult Corpus made by women. However,  progressive methodologies to channel the very specific sexual mysteries of the Babalon priestess have been scarce and this has seriously hindered the progress of the current.  This situation has sabotaged formulation of an active, initiating sex magical priestesshood. The process of reform cannot only be focused on retrieval of what has been repressed, lost or missing within female magical traditions. Reform must also be concerned with investigating the current in relationship to contemporary discourse on philosophy, theology, feminism, ecology, physics, biology, neuroscience, consciousness studies, etc. Much of contemporary thought and debate in these fields is relevant to the many unresolved concerns within esotericism about the epistemic development, metaphysics and ontology of the Babalon current. Questions are being raised on the nature of ‘Babalon consciousness’ itself, her magical subjectivity, corporeality and relationship to love and Eros; and definitions of space, language and gender in the context of women’s magical experience.

A wider, contemporary understanding of female occult anatomy can be explored within movements of modern philosophy and feminist theory, such as the phenomenology of Maurice Merleau-Ponty, the feminist theology of Luce Irigaray and the linguistic theories of Julia Kristeva.  Although not directly related to esoteric philosophy, I’ve found the work of these writers of great value in terms of providing models for critique and process, which are interesting in juxtaposition with the traditional esoteric corpus and an experiential, heuristic magical practice. Merleau-Ponty elevates the concept of the ‘phenomenological field’ within his work, emphasizing the inseparable relationship between body and world as the ‘Chiasm’, acknowledging the primacy of the body as mediator between consciousness and matter. Irigaray’s work is important in regards to deconstructing the gender bias in language and supporting concepts of female subjectivity. These core ideas lead to her advocacy of female divinity as a vehicle for what she terms a ‘radical immanence’. Kristeva rejected the concept of ‘écriture féminine’ (women’s writing) promulgated by feminist thinkers who felt it vital to develop feminine symbolic systems which emphasized concepts of difference within gender. However, her interpretations of Plato’s concept of the ‘Khora’ as a maternal device for exploring somatic origins of language and poetry have some compelling correspondences with Babalon’s magic and exploration of body-centered language within ritual performance.

Such perspectives can create some challenging contrasts to traditional esoteric models and one’s orientation when defining metaphysical position, space and dynamics within a ritual context. However, the work of Irigaray and Kristeva, in particular, is contextualized within classical philosophical tradition and psychoanalytical (and Kristeva’s predominantly Freudian) models which do not reflect paradigmatic, sociological shifts created during the modern occult revival and the progress of women within this. This generates a grey area between feminist theory, philosophy and contemporary esoteric traditions within which I believe the Babalon current is of great importance to the future direction of feminist theology and occultism. Within my practice, I’ve had to conclude that the epistemological remit of the Venusian, Babalon current does demand a very specialized ‘langue féminine’,  comprising of wholly erotic, corporeal, new magical languages and magical formulas that are derived from the female occult body itself. This extends Irigaray’s concept of feminine subjectivity into a highly technical and specialized phenomenological, occult, field of action. The M.D. Project was an experiment in defining magical space in a relationship with the concept of the ‘Body of Babalon’.

Ritual Performance

‘And the sign shall be my ecstasy, the consciousness of the continuity of existence, the omnipresence of my body.’ (AL I:26)

The core of the ‘Mother Destruction’ project centred upon live ritual performances within which the various disciplines and techniques that I had created through trance/possession with the Babalon current could be put into practice by creating a primal experimental, experiential space that has some parallels with Kristeva’s ‘Semiotic Khora’. However, it is a space that is not only linguistic but also has a distinctive bio-erotic force, which drives the creative action. M.D. was in part created to challenge the nihilistic aesthetic that pervaded the post-punk, post-modern experimental music scene. It was also a general response to the collective existential impasse and schism that characteristics our current era, to which I believe Babalon is a powerful antidote. However, Babalon’s new formulas represent a form of sexuality not yet fully matured and scarcely resembles anything related to previous cultural, old aeon perceptions of love and Eros. The Babalon current exalts  women in the western esoteric tradition in the role of sex magical initiatrix. It can’t be overstated how pivotal this will be in transforming the spiritual core of humanity. This momentous shift will reverberate to challenge the reductive perceptions and dismemberment of female sexuality in contemporary culture, that often define womens experiences of sexual love as primarily driven by instinctual, reproductive urges or narcissistic, reflexive responses to the male gaze. Thus, as well as the extremely radical psycho-physical, magical transformation that the current engenders; the ongoing re-evaluation of female sex magical territory is creating a ground zero, a launching pad, from which the regenerated and revolutionary aspects of the new sexuality may emerge.

‘Mother Destruction’ was a vessel created to develop this new prima materia. The name evokes the stark reality of a raw, erotic, untrammeled state of divine frenzy, the domain of the primal goddess. It is a metaphor for the kinetic turbulence within the alchemical, sexual process of ‘solve et coagula’ and ‘fire snake’ consciousness, a force that generates the ‘in-between’ worlds that propel one through ecstatic disintegration into the dark womb of potential and regeneration, through which any and all forms of copulative exchange may emerge, a universal, creative flux, which is mediated through the sacred anatomy of the Babalon Priestess. The performances brought  together important parts of the practice I’d developed into a magical environment which would hopefully communicate the orgasmic gnosis at the heart of the Babalon current at a corporeal and etheric level; and create a platform from which to develop experimental,  ritual formulas and magical languages.

Magical Kinetics

In terms of the physical dynamics of performance,  the presence of the fire snake within the body generates some universal phenomena – erotic, ophidian currents that have often been sublimated into the distinctive movements seen in sacred dance forms  throughout history. For example, the undulative serpentine dances of the ‘Kordax’ and ‘CifteTelli’, licentious and sacred dance forms that originated in Greece and the middle east and were precursors of modern ‘belly dancing’,  have a powerfully seductive momentum.  The captivating grace of the temple dances of the Devadasi,  historically animated the mudric/yantric forms of the goddess into flesh. Both of these art forms evoke the fire snake through a very defined aesthetic. However, grafting any existing dance forms or magical techniques into my practice would have felt very artificial. It seemed very important simply to cultivate the physical dynamics that I had experienced directly from Babalon into performances. This created  a distinctive but very raw, uncontrived aesthetic. I found that during possession by Babalon one creates a phenomenological field that has similarities to a shamanic séance and that Babalon and 156 egregore is the source of a magical-physical language with many distinctive qualities. Once possessed, one is immersed within a complex spectrum of trance states through which distinctive movements spontaneously emerge. These kinetic motifs create a corporeal narrative or journey within the magical performance space.

The phenomena of convulsive shaking and trembling observed in many shamanic cultures is a feature of the trance of Babalon, yet it  is distinctive from other forms of traditional trance practices in that it is primarily erotic and directed through occult channels related specifically to the 156 current. Also key is that the priestess must work from within a pre- orgasmic build up or state of release.The performances were personally very challenging and intended as a form of erotic, ‘Electro-shock therapy’, designed to puncture collective stereotypes of female, magical sexuality. The movements of the priestess causes spontaneous reactions from the audience/participants which creates a collective ecstatic counterpoint to the invocations of the priestess. The participants engage within the magical space and some may actively become entranced and commune with Babalon via the collective ‘khora’. I believe the magic of Babalon augurs future possibilities of vitalist, evolutionary paths which can nurture deep articulacy of sensation and perception within the physical being. It seemed very important to put into practice the principles of embodiment which are at the core of the 156 current. Being present with a person completely immersed in a state of abandonment and trance is a very disorienting experience, more so with the Babalon trance which is highly sexually charged. The priestess must be prepared to fall into a completely deranged, ecstatic state, which makes her simultaneously vulnerable and empowered.


The performances were concerned with creating ritual structures to earth and communicate the quintessence of the current. A significant aspect of the work has been to reinforce the kinetic energy produced during ritual with corresponding sonic material and vocals. The early Mother Destruction performances featured trance practices, movement and sound that expressed these earthy, shamanic aspects of the Babalon current. Freyja as the Nordic avatar of Babalon revealed herself as holding techniques concerned with corporeal  aspects of sex magic and embodiment. From these revelations a very personal interpretation of ‘seidr’,  the shamanic/archaic sex magical tradition associated with Freyja was incorporated into the practice. For example, the ritual performance of  the ‘Hella evocation’ is a live trance working in which the dark underworld aspect of Freyja emerges through vocalizations (click link below to hear) and movements that relate directly to her vibrational location within the magical body.

Hella Roots.

The movements that invoke and channel Hella are wildly spasmodic and violent. The shamanic frenzy of these underworld energies is essential in assimilating the highly explosive and unstable manifestations of the fire snake that accompanies the first stages of initiation into the mysteries of 156. Thus, Hella is important at the ‘Saturnine’ stage of development of the ‘Body of Babalon’, a complex process described in detail in the M.O.T. Her energy once assimilated can also be invoked in group work or performances, in which Hella has the function of eliminating any energies from the field of action that hinder the success of the rite. By contrast, ‘kenaz’ was a poetic, liturgical drama and a phenomenological narrative which describes and physically evokes the construction of the solar, ‘golden raiment’, the definitive initiatic garb of the Babalon priestess. Through delicate and skillful trembling and shuddering movements, the priestess weaves the structure of the golden garment in light. Then, clothing herself in the rays of the sun, she carries and propels the participants in magical flight across the abyss, via the fiery, vulvic, solar gateway of Babalon.

My understanding of Babalon’s magic is that it encompasses many aspects of trance and possession states that may be considered shamanic and I have discovered that there are some distinctive phenomenological motifs that link shamanic practices with Babalon and Seidr work. However, Babalon’s magic is characterized by its sex magical foci and it’s transmission through the female body and has many qualities that are unique to her. Through the development and communication of these feminine aspects of Babalon, the development of her magic in relationship to all of her devotees across the gender spectrum will advance greatly. The M.D. project was thus an experiment to create a form of sex magical technology specifically to transmit these nuances of the current. A synthesis of Sonics, movement and ritual dynamics focused on the melding of the core of Babalon’s bio-linguistic formulations in the magical field, to create a matrix through which a vibrational, simulacrum of Babalon could be constructed.

dark one

I’ve always loved black.

As a child I wanted to wear black and my mom said “kids don’t wear black”. When she finally allowed me it was the only colour I ever wanted to wear.

It’s because I see so much in black. The darker, the more I see.

Water gazing in the dark, electric world:

Everything is one.


I do so many things out of instinct not realizing why or what it means.

Reading something about this later, even years later, that brings clarity as to why and how I did this can be such a revelation; it is the most beautiful dawn.

I believe now, more than ever, that first comes knowledge, then information.

Knowledge can be nothingness until the information hits you.

It is however, a nothingness that cannot be ignored.




“Magic is the Highest, most Absolute, and most Divine Knowledge of Natural Philosophy, advanced in its works and wonderful operations by a right understanding of the inward and occult virtue of things; so that true Agents being applied to proper Patients, strange and admirable effects will thereby be produced. Whence magicians are profound and diligent searchers into Nature; they, because of their skill, know how to anticipate an effect, the which to the vulgar shall seem to be a miracle.” – The Goetia of the Lemegeton of King Solomon


purple ribbon

Pers Lint


Met knoop nommer een: van klippe en been

Knoop nommer twee: die branders, die see

Die middel knoop: ‘n vlam maak oop

Vier: winde wat waai van daar tot hier

Vyf: die son en die maanlig binne-in my lyf

rudolf steiner’s blackboard drawings

What a spiritual experience for me looking at the work of Rudolf Steiner.

So magnificent.

rudolf-steiner (1)5efc3572338b63ff714852ba23ad10c7Kunsthal-Rotterdam-Minitour-Rudolf-Steiner-1rudolf-steinertumblr_ne20n4PsU11rtynt1o4_r1_1280tumblr_o3at6wgeXn1rtynt1o7_1280wandtafel2z4-tokyo-steiner-a-20140327

“The exhibition moved many people and it carries a message: one does not need to be an anthroposophist to be able to read it. It is the message of the one source of energy which the whole world acknowledges – and only a child of our materialistic age could interpret that in a materialistic way. Here we feel the spiritual force of a holistic approach which really does make it possible to see the same energy at work in economic courses on values and prices as in reflections on the working of the spirit in nature. These blackboard drawings with their firm link to Beuys – the visual experience is, indeed, much the same – these enchantingly gentle energy fields were neither understood as snapshots of calligraphy nor as graphical works of art. But they bear witness to the wholeness of a being which is defined wherever it comes to expression, which can never deny itself.”

Basler Zeitung, 19 June 1993



Last night me and my girls saw the most beautiful movie on a high definition screen: the bedroom window. We were on the bed watching the bright moon reel, occasionally shifting and hiding behind some fast little dark cloud-curtains. We ate chips and watched and watched, eventually falling asleep to her graceful rising.

full moon selfie

The birds always sing louder when she’s full. And the trees tell more stories. If we can’t feel our senses heighten when she shines like this, we might be the walking dead. Vibrations everywhere. Our bodies the tides. It’s beautiful!!!

this girl

This girl is slowly getting a waist line again. This is the little story my body needs to tell.

I’ve lost 9 kilograms in six months. Nice and slow. So slow most people I live with or work with haven’t even noticed. Of course now I’m also losing my tits, but hey, like one Hollywood celeb says about body image: “you just can’t win”. The way it happened is actually a truly magical tale.

A while back, after one of the world’s biggest assholes made a really cruel remark about my weight, I started investigating body shaming intensively. My art revolves mainly around female body narratives and body image-theory really fascinates me. The more I read, the more I realized that I will never, ever change my body for anybody else.  My body belongs to me, only me, forever. Well, not entirely, I mean someone once commented on how my body now belongs to my kids etc. which is true, but what I mean is that nobody in this world has the authority to tell me that my body is ‘ugly’ or inadequate in any way.  So my slow body transformation started with a sigil.

I started this really powerful means of control a while ago and I know now how much power a sign can hold. I decided to create a sigil about beauty. It must’ve been one of my most carefully calculated sigils, it read “I feel beautiful.” I spent quite a lot of time on it and then I let it go. I put it up on a wall in my house but I completely forgot about it.  Until recently when I realized it has been the power of the sigil all along.

I am not on a weight losing mission. I just want to love my body again. I want to FEEL my body and I want to FEEL beautiful, I mean, I don’t even own a full length mirror. I do catch glimpses of myself in shop windows now and then but if one really wants to create a clear separation between image and sensation, reflections shouldn’t come into play. I started realizing how nice just an half hour full body work out FEELS per day. I started realizing how much better I FEEL in the mornings when I don’t booze it up the night before. I started FEELING the power of just a little night time yoga before bed. And ultimately the mobility;  that FEELING of being able to move around in the world.

A friend of mine is on a weight loss mission. She loves to tell me she is now a size this, and that she now weighs this amount, and that these pants which is a number this now fits her. I always find this trivial. I don’t know which size I am (all stores sizes are different anyway) and I don’t own a scale.  I weigh myself at my mom’s house like once every three months, just because the scale stares me in the face when I go to the bathroom.

Fuck sizes, fuck scales, fuck the gaze of assholes putting you down.

Feel beautiful and you will be beautiful.

grant morrison’s disinformation talk

Fuck, man. I’ll tell you – when I was a kid I read Robert Anton Wilson and all this shit. And here we are, we’re standing here, and we’re talking about this shit, and it’s real.
Okay, I’m pissed.. and in half an hour I’m gonna come up on drugs, so watch for it.
So.. are there any practicing magicians in the audience? Put your hand up if we’ve got any. C’mon, bold! A few. Okay: by the time we’ve finished this, you’re all gonna be practicing magicians. This shit’s easy, right.
I’m like you. Basically: why are we here? Why are we here at this time? What’s this all about?
And by the way, this is a Scottish accent. So reset the filters and pretend it’s Sean Connery talking to you. Okay? Double-oh sheven.
So if you can follow me, I’m just going to talk the way I talk, and fuck you if you don’t understand me.
The deal is this: I’ve been writing this comic for the last six years. And like you, like everybody here, we’re trying to figure: what’s going on? Why do we feel different? Why don’t we fit into this world? Why do we feel as though they’re not telling us the truth?
So I went out and I read Robert Anton Wilson’s books when I was twenty years old – which is twenty years ago now – and I figured “Is this guy bullshitting me? He says we can talk to aliens? We can talk to people from Sirius? Is he talking crap? He says Aleister Crowley’s got methods for contacting alien intelligence and for changing the world; is he talking crap?”
So I did it. And no – he’s not talking crap. And we can all do it.
And this is by way of trying to demolish the counterculture, and replace it with something useful. We’re just gonna start here, and see where we get to.
When I started doing The Invisibles – which is a comic book, for people who haven’t seen the thing; it’s a comic book which was kind of my attempt to explain what happened to me after I’d been abducted by aliens in Kathmandu in 1994. And the only reason I was abducted by aliens in Kathmandu in 1994 is because I *went* to Kathmandu in 1994 to be abducted by aliens.
And it works. And these fuckers… they will turn up!
And what they told me was this, and they tell everyone the same bullshit. But it’s from different perspectives, it’s from different nervous systems; it seems to be filtered through everyone’s own view of the world. But they keep telling us the same shit.
So I met these guys. I’m sitting in the roof garden of the [something] Hotel in Kathmandu. And I was totally, like, doing tons of dope, right. But in my defence, I do like a quarter of dope a day, and I’ve been doing it since 1990. So I know this shit. And as you all know – everyone out there who’s, like, ‘a head’ and knows what I’m talking about knows: you don’t hallucinate. Right? If you go to the garage.. it’s the fucking garage. If you go to the 7-11, it’s the fucking 7-11.
You might be stoned; you might be picking up lots of interesting little bits and pieces that you don’t normally get when you’re straight. But you know what’s real and what’s not real.
So, as I say, in my defence: man, I was loaded.
But this was the end of a week in which I’d been loaded every single day. And I’m sitting up there in the roof garden and suddenly these fuckers arrive, and they arrive en masse. And they look exactly like Terence McKenna described. Why is that? Coz I’d just read Terence McKenna a year before?
What they told me was… they took me out of my body; I wasn’t in my body anymore. This doesn’t normally happen with hash. This happens on DMT, or it happens on, like, Ketamine or something. I’m on hash; a tiny little bit. The size of a lentil. And I start tripping, and I’m out of my body.
And these fuckers are there, and they say: “Where do you want to go?”
The first thing I said was: “Alpha Centauri”. Which is the first thing you would say, of course. And they took me to Alpha Centauri and it was fucking real, and there’s three suns, all moving exactly as we’re told they’re supposed to move astronomically.
And I’m there, and I said to them: “What the hell’s going on?” As you might.
And they said: “We’ve come to tell you this stuff, so you can put it in your work and explain it to the world.” Why do they always say that to everyone? Why do they always tell everyone to go out and tell the world what’s going on, and everyone tells us the same shit?
So these things, I met them. And what they were were, like, silver.. like those things you get in rave videos.. silver, morphing, mercurial blobs of chrome, that think. And they took me to the fifth dimension. And the fifth dimension is outside space and time, and they explained to me what time is all about.
The universe we live in is designed to grow larvae. Right? Believe.. you don’t have to believe me; I’m just setting the story here.
They explained to me that beyond space and time, we have our actual selves. These things that we’re experiencing right now are sections through time. Everyone here is a section through time. But in actual fact, you’re not experiencing your real body. What is your real body? Your real body is a process. It starts when you’re born, and it moves forward until you die. That is you. Seen from outside, that’s what you look like. You look like a gigantic centipede, spread around all the little things that you always do: up and down through your house, up the stairs, down to the store and back – and it’s a centipede, and it’s us. It starts as a little baby and it comes out of your mother’s womb, and it gets bigger.
That is the process in time. Like I said: we’re experiencing sections now, so we don’t spend a lot of time thinking about this. But think of ourselves as processes through time, which is what we actually are.
We all know we were twelve, we all know we were ten years old. But where is that? Point to it. Show me you at ten years old – and yet you were there.
So these things said to me: this is what’s going on. We use time to grow larvae, because outside space and time you can’t grow anything. Because it’s timeless, nothing grows. What you wanna do, if you want to make one of these higher dimensional beings – that’s actually us, already – is that you grow it in time. So you make a universe.
And how you make a universe is: you plug a little part of yourself into the information world that they live in – which is what I seemed to be experiencing; this kind of sea of pure information – and they exist in that, but there is no time. Time is part of that.. but this is the fifth dimension; it’s like: time, space, breadth, depth.. plus.
And they said to me: the universe you live in, the world you’re living in, is a larvae. Every single one of us here is the same thing. There’s no distinction. All we do is.. we don’t understand what we are.
And they explained to me: if you’ve got a two-dimensional field, see; a flat plane, and you stick your hand through it – there’s one hand there, but if you stick your hand through a two-dimensional plane, the two-dimensional entities who live on there, they will see four circles. Right? Four distinct, completely different circles. But no, it’s the one hand.
Every one of us in here is the same fucker. We’re all the same thing, according to these weirdos. And what we are is.. thank you… I’m pleased someone agrees. And what we are is intersections through 4D space-time.
So yeah, I look like this. I stop here. No, I don’t stop here. I’ve been here for, what, five minutes now? Where was that guy who was here five minutes ago? Where is he? Point to him. But he existed; you all saw him. I saw you five minutes ago. Where is that guy?
So this led me into some very strange alleyways.
These things explained to me that.. as I say, the universe is some kind of larval entity. What it does is it proceeds through stages of development.
Now if you think about a foetus in the womb – and there’s a famous phrase that says.. what is it? Phylogeny recapitulates.. y’know, evolution or whatever the fuck it is. Y’know, I forget the good bits.
But it’s the idea that if you’ve got a foetus, it starts off.. like every living thing, it starts as a unicellular entity, it splits.. it becomes a lizard; it becomes a mammal; eventually it becomes a human.
And they said to me: the culture you’re living in is.. understand it this way: phylogeny recapitulates history.
So what we’re actually watching is this thing coming towards self-awareness and coherence in the same way that a foetus does. We haven’t even been born yet. There are no adults on this planet.
There’s not one adult on this planet.
Which explains a lot. It explains why we let fuckers like Bill Clinton bomb the Kosovans. It explains why I let Tony Blair put cameras in the streets.
Punk rock, dude. This is a Donna Karan suit. Fuck it.
So leading on from these ridiculous.. where do you go from that?
So I was told this stuff when I came out, and I’m just this little kid from Govan in Glasgow, which is a real dodgy area. And I didn’t go to university; I left school at eighteen. But suddenly, I found out that if you do these things that you’re told by Aleister Crowley, by Wilson, by all these people we read and all these people we’ve been consuming – but we don’t do it.
If you actually do what they say, things happen. Things occur, exactly as described. And we can all do it.
So I decided to put this to use in the comic book I was doing, this thing called The Invisibles. And the idea was to kind of get all this down on paper, and somehow look at it. Not to accept it as reality, but to accept it as purely:
“This is part of human experience. It’s a part of human experience that has been described to us for thousands and thousands of years – but for the last two hundred has been hidden and made occult. For some reason that we don’t understand – but it seems to have something to do with the industrial revolution and corporate culture.”
So these things happen. Magic works. And I found out when I was doing the comic that you could actually make magic happen by writing things, and changing the operating system of the universe. It works, and I’m here to tell you to try it when you go home tonight. Because it fucking works.
And what happens if we all do it? If everyone in this room decides to take control of reality? I’m talking about reality; I’m talking about quantum physics; I’m talking about taking control of things from the quantum level up, from the molecular level up – and it works. This magic works.
So I’ll tell you something you can do, while I’m here. You know one of the best techniques, and one of the easiest techniques, to prove that this thing works is to practice sigil magic. The technique is simple: have a desire, tonight.
Go home and do this! Don’t listen to this shit! Don’t listen to my bullshit and think “yeah, we are the fucking counterculture!” DO IT! Do it – and we will change the world.
Because I did it. Coz I didn’t trust those guys. I didn’t trust Wilson and all those people who told me we could do this stuff. And I’m here to tell you: it works. And you can do it; we can all do it.
Number one: first thing you do is, you write down a desire. Make it something easy that’s likely to happen. Something possible, rather than say, y’know, “I’m going to be king of the moon” – which you may want to be, as we all do, but.. it’s kind of hard to be king of the moon. You’re gonna have to get a rocket and go up there.
Something easy. If you want to sigilise for a lottery win, make sure you buy a ticket or else it probably won’t work. So these are the conditions within the material universe that we live in.
What we’re really dealing with here is, as I say, some kind of operating system that can be hacked, using words. Words seem to be the binding agent of this.. thing. Whatever it is.
So I wrote this comic book – and as I wrote it, it became true. Things I would make the characters do became true.
The main character was.. I gave him a bald head and a leather jacket, because I thought people would like me when I they read the comic. Bald heads were really uncool back in 1992.
And it worked. I found that if I put the character through a situation where he’d been tortured; where his lungs had bust and he was being held in captivity; subjected to all these awful things. Two months later: I’m in hospital, two bust lungs, dying of blood poisoning; facing exactly the same shamanic trial that I put my character through.
So once I figured out that, I thought: the best thing to do is to give this guy an easy time in the future.
So as a result of all this, I’d just split up with my girlfriend. And I was like: “okay, I want a new one and I want her to look exactly like this chick in the comic, coz she’s cool.” So I did a sigil; a month later, the girl turns up. Then another one. Then another one. Then another one; then another one. All aspects of this character. And then [I was like]: “Oh fuck, this is insane. Because it works and I’ve done something ridiculous. Because now I’m dealing with all these women who look like the character, but who I don’t get on with, or I can’t talk to, or I can’t deal with.”
And I began to realise a little bit about how this stuff works.
So beyond that, I decided: I won’t just use it to get laid, because it seems a pretty low-grade kind of way of dealing with magic. But man, it works! Believe me.
So I thought: how much could you effect reality by writing a comic that mimics reality, but pushed it in weird directions? So round about 1997, I decided that I would really seriously turn this thing into a super-sigil.
And it was based on the idea that: if you look at cave art – the first art was done; the first writing that was done, basically as art. And if someone wanted to make something happen; like, if you were in the — like, if you were some fucked up caveman in a cave somewhere, worrying about your dinner. What do you do? You draw a bison on the wall; stick some spears in it. Go out, and the bison dies filled with spears.
“Hey, man! We can make this happen!”
Slowly, those things become words; they become abstractions – complexes of meaning. And you can take that basic idea, and – as we’ve seen – people like Austin Osmond Spare, the magician from the early part of the century, or Crowley, or the chaos magicians of the eighties who were a big influence on me – they used this stuff. And like I say, what you can do is this: go home, write down a desire; it’s quite simple, what you can say is: “It is my desire that my cat wins the Olympics.” Take out all the vowels..
– Write this down, for fuck’s sake! Don’t just listen; do it! Right? –
Take out the vowels, and you’ll be left with a string of consonants. Take out all the repeated consonants, and you’ll be left with a string of consonants with no repeats in it. X, Y, A, D, whatever. Turn that thing into a little image. Take the D, draw a big D. Then you’ve got a T; draw a big T on it.
Keep reducing it down until it looks magical.
And there are no rules for this thing. Do it until it looks magical.
At that point you now have a sigil. The sigil will work. You can project desire into reality, and change reality. It works!
Those must be the people who’ve done it.
So please, I mean, write this down, go home and do it. Check; verify the results.
Because – I was reading this thing in New Scientist this week and it said: the difference between bad science and good science is.. scientific procedure has three criteria. And the criteria are: that you can verify results; you can talk to other people who’ve done the thing and make sure that, you know, it works out. You can duplicate results. And also.. some other thing; I’ve forgotten. But yeah, two things is pretty good, innit? Two outta.. yeah.
This is verifiable. People have been telling us about this for thousands of years. The Tibetans have been telling us about this. The Mesopotamians have been telling us about this. And why has it been made ‘occult’?
Because: Coca-Cola have got the secret.
What you do is you create a sigil.
Coca-Cola is a sigil. The McDonalds “M” is a sigil.
These people are basically turning the world into themselves, using sigils.
And if we don’t reverse that process, and turn the world into *us* using sigils, we’re going to be living in fucking McDonalds.
But McDonalds have no more power than us, apart from the fact – like what Doug [Rushkoff] said earlier – they’ve got some money.
Fuck it; who cares?
At the top levels of this stuff, no one’s using money anyway.
You think Rupert Murdoch, or the Queen, or Bill Clinton, or any of these fuckers use money? Of course they don’t.
They’ve realised that money is only useful to sell to the middle classes – the people in the middle who make things happen; who make things run.
We’ve been sold a fiction. There’s no such thing as money. Ignore it. At the higher levels..
There is no money. These fuckers don’t use money. If Rupert Murdoch wants a Rolls Royce, they give him one. Because he’s Rupert Murdoch. And if they see him in a Rolls Royce, it means they get some status out of it.
So you’ve gotta understand, these people on the higher levels are operating on a hierarchy of exchange and barter.
On the lower levels – where I lived in Glasgow, which is one of the poorest cities in Europe – people are operating on a hierarchy of exchange that’s quite different: they steal shit, and then they sell it back, and they have their own little money.. and they have this complete black market economy.
There’s only us in the middle who think money’s worth anything – and we chase it until we drop.
So forget it.
Where was I?
(And the other thing is: I hate talking at people, so if anyone wants to join in just put your hand up. Coz I fucking hate just talking at people.)
So… having figured these weird things out, having thought about this and having been through this experience, which was exactly the experience I’d been promised by Wilson, McKenna, Philip K. Dick – everyone, they promised this thing, and it works. You can get the experience. Do what they told you to do, and it will happen – I promise you. You will meet the aliens; they will talk to you. The Golden Dawn called this “Knowledge & Conversation Of The Holy Guardian Angel”.
So it’s been around for a while; it’s accessible to everyone. Magick is accessible to everyone. The means of altering reality are accessible to everyone.
And when everyone starts doing it, we’re going to start to get to see desire manifest on a gigantic scale. Everyone’s desire. What happens when *everyone’s* desire becomes manifest? Does the universe have to split up into a billion to accommodate it? Do we all have to suddenly understand that we’re all in the same place, and that we can all share in each others’ desires?
I don’t know. I’m just here to talk about this stuff.
So beyond that – beyond the alien abduction experience – I was working on the comic, and I began to think about.. seriously, I’d set up the comic to try and explore some of the problems we were dealing with, which are – as Doug [Rushkoff] pointed out earlier – problems of duality: “us” and “them”; “good” versus “evil”; this versus that.
And as I worked my way through the comic I began to realise some interesting things, so I’ll share them with you. This might not be true; these are just useful little thoughts that might be.. you might be able to spin them; do something with them. But really, I’m just up here as someone who has read the same shit you’ve all read; put it into practice, and found that it works.
So here’s my version of what happens.
Doing the comic, I set up these characters – the whole thing was set up as an adventure story, where there are some bad guys who live in another dimension, who want to enslave us all. And there’s some good guys who live in another dimension, who want us all to have a good time. In the middle, there is us. And we are obviously trying to have a good time; everybody wants to have a good time, y’know? Hitler wanted to have a good time. And, uh..
We all want to have a good time. So we’ve got to understand that, as a starter.
The more I set up these dualities – the more I set these people against the opposition – the more it started to seem like a complete crock, and that we’ve been sold this nonsense of opposition. And I began to find that the closer I got to the end of the series, the whole ‘opposition’ element of it was the least meaningful, least important part of it. And that we’ve actually been deluding ourselves in a lot of ways.
Beyond that, I found we’ve actually been deluding ourselves in the worst way of all by believing in the individual.
Stay with me on this.
Kafka, Orwell, Patrick McGoohan in The Prisoner.. everyone told us The Individual was the most important thing we could be.
Everyone is fucking ‘quirky’ these days; every shit in their window of MTV is ‘quirky’. Everyone’s cool; everyone’s smart… it’s not true.
What if the individual was the fake? What if the individual’s the crock? And we’ve actually been sold that by “them”; by the man, the establishment.. whatever you want.
Because what occurred to me is that when you talk about the individual, and you deal with the individual, you find that the end of the individual is neurosis. To be individual means that there is “self” and “not self”. Okay?
So where I stop.. the boundaries of “me”, right, this physical body; the boundaries of me that stretch out.. things I believe in.. I’m sure we’d all be friends if we talked – but would we be friends with Newt Gingrich? No.
But that’s the point: I stop, where Newt Gingrich starts. Why is that? Why do I stop there? Why does *he* define my self-sense? And I can’t absorb him?
Why do these fuckers.. why does the Skull And Bones Society, or the CIA.. why do the 33º Masons – why are they different from us?
They’re not – they want to explain things. They want an answer. They’ve found an answer that seems to suit them – which seems kind of uncool and cruel to me, because it involves exploiting other people. But they’re looking for an answer. We’re all looking for the same thing: Why. Are. We. Here?
Why *are* we here? What are you doing here today? What do you expect? What do you expect to take home with you?
Can anyone answer? Can one person tell me what you expect to take home from all of this? Come on, put your hand up.
Exactly. Because that is all we have. And that is all I can offer you, is experience. Of having done this shit, tested it, put it in the crucible to see what happens – and it works.
So I began to think more and more about the individual, and I looked into what that actually meant. And what it was, was a structure that was pretty much created… the ego structure was created out of what Julian Jaynes calls the “bicameral mind” becoming one mind.
And apparently – according to him – he says that back in the old days of the Greeks, and the earliest writing of the world, people didn’t have self-consciousness in the way that we have. They didn’t have egos. They didn’t understand themselves as “I” in the same way that we do. Because the corpus callosum – that connects the two hemispheres of the brain – wasn’t connected.
So if you heard a voice, that voice was God. And Homer, and all those guys, you’ve got plenty of examples of people hearing the voice of God, and acting on that. Alexander constantly acted on the voice of God.
Julian Jaynes suggests that it wasn’t the voice of God – it was the voice of the left hemisphere of the brain communicating with the right hemisphere of the brain, interpreted as a god.
So okay: now we’ve got the two things joined together. We’ve got this beautiful bridge in the middle that links the two. But we have the ego structure – which was created when those things linked.
Suddenly we’re like: “Oh fuck. I am I. I am the I Am. This is my.. my god is this. I am separate; I am one.”
We made this idea that we’re somehow separated from nature.
No we’re not. Bullshit!
Again, I read New Scientist last month, right – and they’re talking about nature: “We must control nature; we must do this. How do we deal with our relationship with nature?”
We *are* fucking nature! There’s nothing on this planet that is not “nature”. Power stations are nature; atom bombs are nature. Because nature made us to make those things. Either you trust nature, or you don’t trust nature – and I trust nature.
So we have to ask: what is nature getting at here?
If we ignore this crap that we’re somehow isolated from nature; that we somehow have to tame nature… nature knows exactly what it’s doing.
The planet is not in danger. We are.
The planet’ll survive. The planet’s been through, like, ammonia atmospheres and impossible-to-live-on, and everything dead – and it gets its way back out of it.
We’re in danger. Or so we think, because our hubris tells us that we are in danger. Our hubris tells us that we’re about to destroy the world; we’re gonna destroy the planet; we’ll fuck the atmosphere.
No. We’ll fuck *our* atmosphere. But some trilobites’ll come along and live in anything we create.
So that is not the problem.
The problem is we’re standing here at the 21st century, stuck with individuality. Because we’ve believed in it so much; it *seemed* so important that we should all be distinct. What happens if we stop being distinct?
And what happens if we think about individuality as something that was actually just scaffolding for where we are now?
So if you create a skyscraper, you put up your scaffolding, you build the building – and what’s happened here is that we’ve overlooked the building, and focussed on the scaffolding.
Y’know – why aren’t we taking the scaffolding down?
Let’s do it today: take the scaffolding down.
Because the individual was a way to get us to this point. And what I really think.. and basically why I’m here is to try and punt this notion.
After doing this comic book for six years; after thinking about this stuff for six years; after proving that it works for six years, I’m left with this notion: we’ve been fooled, and we’ve fooled ourselves, and we continue to fool ourselves – and, like Doug said: there is no “us” and no “them” – there’s just us. And somehow we’re trying to make this thing work. And it *does* work.
Say, for instance… most of us here are mostly pretty counter-culture types – y’know, we like our drugs, we like this and that; we like breaking a few rules. But we don’t like the police, in general. Who here loves the police? Hands up.
Nice one! Coz I’m gonna teach you to love the police.
Why do we hate the police? If we want to change things – everyone in here, let’s go down to the local precinct and join up. Are we gonna do it? Who here’s gonna do it with me? Coz I’m not gonna do it..
And why? *Why* are we not doing that?
[“Coz they’re dumb!”]
Right. So we’re hating these guys who’ve taken on this thing… we’ve chosen the biggest lunkheads in society to protect ourselves from the fuckers in Rikers Island! Because we are scared of them! Y’know, we are scared of them. We are middle-class, libertarian liberals who are shit-scared of being raped in prison.
So we create the police. And we get these lunkheads… who will obey what we tell them do to. They’ll actually obey us; those fuckers will do what we tell them. And we say to them: “Protect us from those real fuckers; those bikers, and those black guys, and all those awful guys who are gonna come and fuck us up and kill us and steal all our stuff.”
We put the police there. Right? We put them there. And we don’t want to go there, because we are smart people; we are cool people. We don’t want to go and hit anyone. We don’t want to go and enforce the law – because we don’t really believe in it. But we know some poor bastard has to enforce it.
Why do we hate those guys when we put them there?
Why do we hate ourselves for creating this society?
Why are so many people in America obsessed with Marilyn Manson; corpses; dead people; misery; John Wayne Gacy… John Wayne Gacy’s a fucking prick. Y’know, he killed a few people and did some shitty paintings. What’s that? Why should we be engaged with that? And yet that has become.. what, “apocalypse culture“?
Where do we go from there, that isn’t that? Where do we go that isn’t playing with our own shite?
The Answer… back to the individual.
If the individual doesn’t work – if Patrick McGoohan was wrong; Number 6 was wrong to stand on that beach screaming “I am not a number, I am a free man!” – what do we have left?
Because ultimately the guy who’s not a number and not a free man experiences neurosis, the longer he goes down that path. I’m sure there’s a bunch of people here, like me, who eventually… you’ve worked your way through this stuff; you’ve read the books, you’ve done this shit; you’ve taken the drugs; you’ve been there, you’ve seen it. We’ve all experienced enlightenment in little bits. You know it’s out there; you know this stuff is true: the consensus doesn’t explain our lives. But what does?
Imagine getting rid of the individual. Imagine getting rid of that scaffolding. What do we have left? And here’s what I’m about to offer:
The more I looked into it, the more I began to see that we have these mutants living among us, right now. The people from the 21st century; from the end of the 21st century are here. But there is no context for them. In the same way that – y’know, if you lived in… Tunguska two hundred years ago, and you were an epileptic, you would be a shaman. There was a context for you. In this society, you’re an epileptic. It’s quite simple; it’s a disease, and nothing you say is of any worth because it’s considered pathology.
If, on the other hand, you look at these people, who are the mutants… and what do they call it? Multiple Personality Disorder.
This is what lies beyond the personality; the “I”; the bullshit.
Because if you take “I” to the limit – and like I said, I’m sure a lot of us here have done this – it becomes… all that happens is that self questions self. Endlessly; repetitively. “Am I doing this right? Is this the right way? Should I think about these people like this? Should I approach them this way; should I involve them this way?” Self questions self, endlessly, and it reaches a peak… it goes nowhere.
On the national scale, that same thing – self questions self; self encounters not-self; equals borders, war, destruction.. that’s where it goes. That’s where it ends. That thing ends in disaster.
It ends in neurosis on a personal level. And it ends in war on the national level.
So I began to think: “What could we replace that with?” And I was looking at these poor MPD fuckers. And I realised they just don’t have a context.
What would happen if we decided to abandon the personality, and replace it with a multiple personality complex? Because as we all know – everyone in here, I’m sure.. I mean, I feel as if I can say this for certain, knowing human beings as they are: sometimes you do things that you don’t want to do. Sometimes you do things that are contradictory to what you think. Sometimes you fuck yourself up.
Why? Because there’s not one person in here; there’s hundreds.
And if you start giving them names, and you start shuffling them about; if you start playing with them, you become a bigger human being. Because you’ve no longer allowed yourself to stop at your boundaries.
Imagine the personality as… let’s choose Windows, even though that’s a contentious one. Imagine the personality as Windows. Instead of the personality.. there’s so many people, I’m sure you’ve met them.. you talk to them, and they say “No, this is the way I am. I’ve worked on this. This is me. And I won’t change. And you’ll just have to work with that. This is me; this is important; this is what I’ve come to, and this is what I’ve Made Of Myself.”
Bullshit. It’s a trap. They don’t go anywhere; they’re stuck there.
What if those same people were then given Personality 2000? Which is an upgrade, and an add-on? And here’s a bit of your personality that likes hip hop? Here’s a bit to your personality that likes ballet? And because we’ve all got them. And we’ve got the fucker.. we’ve got the serial killer inside; we’ve got the wonderful new-age bastard… we’ve got whatever we like. We’ve got James Bond in there. We’ve got Pussy Galore in there. They’re all there.
So what I’m suggesting is that we start working with that. Abandon the personality; abandon the individual; abandon the “I” because it’s a lie, and it has held us down; it’s been like a weight round our necks. It was useful for the last two thousand years of history, because it created this out of the chaos that was – and this is more coherent; more useful; more meaningful. It has its problems; everything does; every system has – but we’re getting better.
And I think what we should do is walk away from the crap of the 21st century, and start thinking about what we’ve been experiencing.
My feeling about the 20th century, and about World War II and about Auschwitz and all of that stuff is that we had to go through it. We had to do it. That was humanity’s dark night of the soul, and it will never, ever happen again. But it had to happen.
Every single nightmare image, every image of hell that we have in our minds happened. Everything you can think of; people were flayed, brutalised, gassed, tortured, cut into pieces, turned into pigs – everything you can imagine happened. The world was a wasteland. There were cities completely annihilated. We went through it.
Why did we do that?
Stanislav Grof has a conception of the ‘perinatal matrices‘, which was one of the big influences on the film The Matrix. You might recognise some of this. He says that things that happen to us around birth are really profound, and they have all kinds of weird effects. They effect society, they effect the self; they effect everything. They have reverberations.
And he claims that there are several states, that he calls “Basic Perinatal Matrices”.
The first state is oceanic bliss – which we’re all familiar with, I’m sure. Oceanic fuckin’ bliss, mate. And that is the state of the baby in the womb, untouched – everything is provided for; everthing is there; everything you need will turn up out of the blue.
Basic Perinatal Matrix 2 is a different thing. It’s when the womb starts to turn a little toxic, and begins to suggest we’re about to be expelled. And, y’know, we don’t remember this stuff – what happened? What was the feeling of that fetus in there who suddenly thinks: “My entire universe has been overturned and I’m about to be shit out”? Does he know where he’s going? “What the fuck’s this? Y’know, I was happy there. It was cool; I was getting everything I wanted.”
And so on into BPM 4 – which is kind of a release from tension; which is the birth process.
So I’m beginning to think.. as a society – and returning to the idea of ontogeny as history.. phylogeny, or whatever the fuck the word is.. what we’re looking at now is humanity’s process through Grofian matrices.
And what we went through is actually a Stanislav Grof Basic Perinatal Matrix 3 experience.
Every image that he talks about: death camps, control, the idea of people.. babies trapped in tubes.. you’ll recognise all this from The Matrix, as I said.
Oil, mechanisms, machines that hate us; destructive technology.. it all happened.
What if this little baby that is the universe; this little larvae that’s approaching culmination, has had to go through these stages? Because everything does. If you want to get rid of war, how do you get rid of war? You inoculate yourself against war by having the worst fuckin’ war you’ve ever had in your life. And everything after that’s just an aftershock. We’ve done nothing worse than what we did in those few years. Humanity’s never come close to anything like it. We’ve tried; there’s been a few lunatics who’ve tried. But nothing on that scale.
So what if we choose to imagine that humanity has passed through that stage?
We’ve reached the 21st century, and we’re now approaching Basic Perinatal Matrix 4. Which is: victory after war. Which is: the struggle is over. Which is: we’re all here; what do we do next?
There was no apocalypse; there was no Christ. There was no rapture. There is nothing. All this stuff is shit.
There is only us. And we’ve still got another thousand years, and maybe another thousand beyond that, and maybe another twenty thousand beyond that.
What are we gonna do?
Who are we?
Are we gonna stick to these personalities; these bounded, territorial things?
Are we gonna expand ourselves; make ourselves bigger? So that if you happen to like.. [say] ‘world music’ and I don’t, I can tap into your love of ‘world music’, and experience it – and it means something.
So all I’m suggesting here is that we all take up magic. Because basically it works. We can change the world. It’s quite simple; the technology’s there. The Buddhists have been telling us.. as I said, people have been telling us this for so long. And in the last two hundred years, it’s been driven underground and we’ve forgotten.
And people like us are here today to try and recover something of that. And the way to recover it, is to do it. Do the techniques. Go buy an Aleister Crowley book; [or] buy one by Phil Hine or Peter Carroll that’s a bit more up to date, and you don’t have to bother with that 18th century fucking language. But do the shit, and you will find it works.
And we stand here now. This is the counterculture. We are the counterculture.. this is like, this shit. I went to this thing in, like, 1987 and it was Robert Anton Wilson and the whole deal – and I remember sitting in the audience thinking “fuck, rave is dead”. Because it was that kind of thing; that version of it’s dead. The hippy version of it’s dead.
We stand here. And we’re looking ahead. What are we gonna do?
Abandon the personality is what I suggest.
Get rid of the sense of self. Get rid of the sense of “I”, and make yourself something bigger. Imagine that every time you want to learn something new, it’s a new computer program; you can buy the operating system; the update. You can learn to fly a plane in seven days according to Neuro-Linguistic Programming – so why not? Let’s do it.
Do we want to change things? Or are we just sitting here talking?
No answer.
Are we talking at all? Do we want to change things? Yeah! Right – that’s why we’re fucking here, man. That is why we’re here!
So what are we gonna do?
If you want to change things, the first thing you have to change is yourself.
Because if you don’t change yourself, you will take on the world as if it is yourself – and fuck up. You will really fuck up, because you don’t understand your own dark side. If you don’t understand your own weird, shitty side.. if you don’t understand the fact that there’s someone in there who will kill your mother, if need be – if you can’t take that on; if you can’t take that on board and realise that Charles Manson and me and you are not much different; that John Wayne Gacy and me and you are not much different – except that he did it. Y’know, there’s those days when I’m gonna kill that motherfucker over there – but we don’t do it.
But it’s in us, and it’s there. And so much of this is denial. That we have no dark side. You know: the hippies, and those lovely people in the rave era who were all on ecstasy – they tried to pretend we have no dark side. And what happened was they got fucked up by their own dark side. As will always happen.
So let’s kiss our dark sides; let’s fuck our dark sides. Get him down there where he belongs. And he can tell us stuff. Y’know, that thing’s useful.
But above all: let’s become plex-creatures. Complex, superplex – be able to take on new personality traits; able to take on new ideas; able to adapt; able to extend our boundaries into what was previously the ‘enemy territory’ – until the point where we become what was once our enemy, and they are us, and there is no distinction.
Mad Cow Disease, or BSE, or CJD – Creutzfeld-Jacob Disease; it’s very interesting. It’s hitting the headlines; people are interested in these new 21st-century fucked up diseases that are gonna wipe us all out, apparently.
This is a disease – I’ve been studying this, coz it seems like a really good metaphor to use – CJD is a disease that attacks the brain and central nervous system and utterly demolishes them. Completely; you’re fucked. You will slide down a ramp like a stupid cow. You’ll fall on the concrete; you won’t be able to walk; your brain will turn to sponge. You’ll be eaten to bits.
You know that CJD does that without the immune system noticing? The immune system can’t detect CJD. By the time you’re slipping down the ramp like a cow, it’s all over. The immune system suddenly says: “Oh fuck; we’re in trouble.” Too late, mate.
So what happens if we act like BSE and CJD? What if we colonise the culture? What if we give it something it can’t swallow?
And this is a little bit like what Doug [Rushkoff] was saying earlier: we go in there; they want us. They’re desperate for us, because they think we know this shit; we know something they don’t know. We’re attached; we’re connected in some way that they don’t.. “they”, whoever “they” are; these poor bastards. They’re looking at us, like – coz I’ve got a leather jacket, I know something, y’know?!
But that’s what they think. And what I think has actually happened here is: the culture’s getting weirder and weirder.
Back home in Britain, Tony Blair is putting up cameras in every street corner. And he’s talking about putting cameras in peoples’ homes. He’s gotten rid of trial by jury. This is like, fascist Britain 1999, y’know?
But the more he does this, the weirder things get.
The more cameras you put up, the more people will start to act like movie stars. The more people start to act like movie stars, the weirder things get. And then the *more* cameras they put up to try and deal with it! And the weirder it gets!
So let ‘em bring the cameras; I’ll fucking act the shit out of these bastards! Let’s have the cameras. Let’s have cameras everywhere. And we’ll show them what we can do.
And they’ll be watching, going: “Man, that guy’s getting fucked; I wish I was.”
And they want in. They want in on this. So let’s, like Doug said, invite them in. Let’s take them in. Let’s be like the diseased prion that destroys its host, and CJD.
Let’s go in there and give them something they cannot digest. Something they cannot process. Something so toxic, so dangerous, so powerful.. that it will breed, and destroy them utterly.
Not destroy them – turn them into us. Because that’s what we want. We want everybody to be cool. We don’t want to go in and think: “That guy over there’s gonna kill me; that guy hates me; that guy’s got some fucking weird agenda.”
Don’t we just wanna talk? And let it all go, and just say: “Hey, I’m interested in you; what have yo
u got to tell me?”
That’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? We communicate; we join up; we make networks; we make things happen.
And there are some people in the world who don’t wanna do that.
So let us infect them.
Infect them to the point where they become us.
Where there’s nothing left in this world, but us.
And then some kid’ll come up and fuck that as well.
And that’ll be exactly what we need at the time.
And that’s me finished, so thank you very much.

earth magick by rick garret

EM Cover - 560pxThere has long been a tension between the witch of legend and the modern day practitioner. The former has its origins mainly in polemical Christian ideas and folktales, where the witch is a consort of the devil, brewing wicked and foul smelling potions in a cast-iron pot, and eating children. This image of the witch –crooked nosed hag she is – has not been completely wiped from the popular imagination, but certainly the modern day witch movement has gone a long way to challenge these often sexist views. The rise of the Wiccan movement in the 1960s took its lessons not from the Malleus Maleficarum, but from the writings of people like Gerald Gardner and Alex Sanders. Their vision of the witch is rooted in tales of cunning folk and (sometimes) faulty anthropology regarding the existence of pre-Christian horned deity cults whose practices remained hidden, but very much alive, through the centuries. It is, of course, important that the modern Wiccan movement has elevated the image of the witch, but unfortunately a New Age character has settled in, and in so doing removed some of the mystery from a form of worship that was once practiced in quiet groves and amongst ancient megaliths. The two surviving pictures – the storybook crone and the nature-worshipping hippie – are both unsatisfying.


Like most things, it takes an artful eye to realize an idea that has weight, that can evoke a sense of otherworldliness, of magic. Of witchcraft. Fulgur Press, one of the most important publishers of limited edition occult and related volumes, has recently released Earth Magic by Rik Garrett, a collection of photographs of, well, witches. These are neither claw-fingered nor filk-playing neo-pagans. Garrett’s photos are studies of private moments of worship. They are erotic, but not pornographic, mysterious but not contrived, haunting but not exploitive. These are photographs of witches at play and at ritual. The photos themselves have no explanation. There are no captions or any other corresponding material (except for an illuminating introduction by Pam Grossman). The only other element is a sigil on the facing page of each image, a kind of seal or brand that only heighten the sense of strangeness. There is no denying it. Garrett’s photos are spooky. My only hesitation is that maybe these photos reveal what should have remained hidden. Thankfully Garrett’s eye is that of someone who knows they don’t belong. The photos appear to be taken furtively, shakily, with a sense of trepidation and humble awe. – Peter Bebergal

November 25, 2014 EMER033  img006 tumblr_nfasweT0yP1qfuh2bo1_500 tumblr_nfm604Csnt1sstwo4o1_500 ww1002



image Yanick Paquette from Wonder Woman: Earth one

“All the comics are sigils. “Sigil” as a word is out of date. All this magic stuff needs new terminology because it’s not what people are being told it is at all. It’s not all this wearying symbolic misdirection that’s being dragged up from the Victorian Age, when no-one was allowed to talk plainly and everything was in coy poetic code. The world’s at a crisis point and it’s time to stop bullshitting around with Qabalah and Thelema and Chaos and Information and all the rest of the metaphoric smoke and mirrors designed to make the rubes think magicians are ‘special’ people with special powers. It’s not like that. Everyone does magic all the time in different ways. “Life” plus “significance” = magic.”
― Grant Morrison

your novel (now that you’re gone)

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I’ll waste no time reading it.”
― Moses Hadas

I Never read your novel.

It’s still buried in My Documents underneath feminist manifestos and facts about sigil magick.

“I do like you”, you wrote in your last message.

If the ‘do’ wasn’t there, it wouldn’t have been so cold.

That ‘do’ meant ‘but not enough’ to continue being distracted by me.

So, yes, I do like your writing.

I just don’t like it enough to read it (now that you’re gone)