I’m Super excited about my video, The Chaos Within, that is going to be part of an exhibition opening tonight in London organized by curator Christine Eyene. This video was my very first video experiment and I’m thinking back to a time of my life when I found myself in a world of turmoil, due to the stillbirth of our baby girl, Gabrielle.
I find so much healing power in performance art and this was my first experiment. It really helped me get somewhere in the long road leading to getting over the tragedy and pain of losing her. I often analyse my performance and try to theoretically lay it out, but I find this a very hard process: going from a spontaneous reaction such as a performance and taking it to the opposite side/pole by rationally trying to lay it all out and ‘ explain’ it.
Once, when I was still blogging on Aryan Kaganof’s blog, he said that my urge to destroy my art might be a subconscious urge to commit suicide. I thought (and still think) this notion is ridiculous, since I don’t have a single suicidal bone in my body. However, this got my thinking and I do think it is all about trying to start over, or creating a rebirth. In The Chaos within, I slash up one of my self portraits, burn it and then urinate on it.
I am still in the possession of pieces of burnt canvas which remained after the performance.