Once I became deeply infatuated with a man who is exactly the opposite of what I usually find attractive. He is an intellectual, a man who keeps his hands clean (in all aspects). He is on a peace path (boring) and his taste in women is utterly uninspiring (plastic dolls, yawn). He doesn’t like dirt (not my style!) and he is one of the coldest humans I have ever met (as in the cool, collective type of coldness). The man is just not passionate enough. No real passion in his writing, no passion in his philosophy. He chooses to retreat, retreat from conflict, retreat from life. And so the list goes on, all these things in him that I simply wasn’t attracted to. Yet, this man, or the idea of this man, kept me in chains for a very long time.
And all of this, all of this attraction and sleepless nights and fantasies, all just because
a) He never wanted me
b) He always made me feel inadequate.